I took a bath today, first time in a while. Maybe first time since moving into Monchito Palace. I missed the feeling of wearing comfy clothes after taking a hot bath—my joints feel tingly and I feel like I could just close my eyes and go to sleep.
This morning I realized that I often don’t give myself the mental space to think about how I want to spend my time. I first defer to what other people want to do, which I feel like is an unfair thing put on someone, to make them be responsible for my time. And then of course, I slip into a scrolly-hole with social media and group chats and stuff.
My “resolution” for this year is to figure out how I can spend more time on “personal growth,” and I guess giving myself the space to think about how I should spend my time is part of that.
It’s hard to quit the things that provide feedback right away — Slack and Twitter and Instagram and all that. I remember when I wrote blog posts in high school, I didn’t really have a way of knowing if anyone actually read any of it. There was no acknowledgement or feedback or validation. Maybe some time later someone would say, “Oh, I read the thing you wrote that one time.” But now I feel like my body has come to expect, or yearn for, feedback on a much shorter timescale. Maybe that’s more the danger of sharing on social media — that I need to keep coming back to check if anyone has seen it.
I think tomorrow I’ll try to keep all those things unopened for the whole day.