I just returned from Japan two nights ago, and now I’m taking a train from Sunset Park to the Upper West Side to check my mom’s mailbox while she’s out of town. In this moment, there is a blue undertone to my life. It could be because I’m coming down from a month-long trip to Japan. The jet lag, the grief of leaving—this time I was surprised by how compelling the prospect of living in Japan seemed to me. Perhaps the pull of the States is just very weak right now, and the pull of NYC, as strong as it is, maybe stronger than ever, isn’t enough.
Citizenship, ethnicity, residence, culture, and belonging are all different things. I think I am feeling a shift in how I identify in each of these columns. And it’s hard not to feel like I’m losing something. Maybe I used to feel a lot more secure about where I stand. Now I’m not so sure.
Or maybe I’m simply messed up bc time zones! A flurry of errands is sending me around the city, and I am hoping to spend as much time outside as I can in this beautiful weather today.