But I think the big end goal with children should not be to make them independent, so much as to help them find their way to a web of interdependence that extends far beyond their parents. To do this they will have to become more independent, but ultimately the independence is a means to an end, and not the end itself … Interdependence is not the opposite of independence; it is the opposite of dependence.
I remember being provoked when I first read this, but was convinced by the end of this paragraph. And the more I thought about it over the next few days, the stronger my conviction became that This Had To Be The Way.
I was raised to be independent and had been proud of this pretty much my entire life. But especially as I’ve navigated parenthood and a career pivot, I’ve been finding myself feeling satisfaction(? pleasure even?) in the humility of asking others for recommendations, advice, and help. It’s like sinking into a warm bath lol (butterfly meme: Is this Community?).
All this to say, I think my journey to interdependence is still happening, and so while this article frames itself as being “about parenting,” I think it can apply to anyone. And to any parent to might feel like raising their kids to be independent wasn’t “enough,” I wish them some solace in the understanding that their childrens’ growth continues beyond the boundaries of the parenting they were given.